My husband and I have been married for a little over a year, and it has been one of the best times of my life—and one of the most challenging.

On our wedding day, we heard many Scripture verses extolling the virtues of love and patience. But living out those virtues in marriage was a lot harder than I thought.

Here are four challenges I faced in my first year of marriage, with God’s Word helping me along the way:

1. Being Married Hasn’t “Fixed” Me

   Since I was young, I have struggled with insecurities: Am I pretty enough? Am I smart enough? Am I funny enough? In hindsight, I was expecting my husband to sweep in and remove every doubt I had about myself.

   But in actuality, marriage introduced a whole new set of insecurities: Does his family like me? Am I righteous enough? Do I make him proud? Not only were these insecurities unfair to my husband, but they also marginalized how I believed God created me. Scripture tells us that God created us and loved us from the very beginning. Psalm 8:5 serves as an excellent reminder: “You made us a little lower than you yourself, and you have crowned us with glory and honor.”

2. Unspoken Expectations Are the Root of Most Arguments

   We have all heard it before: Great communication is the foundation of a great marriage. That advice is easy to hear, but hard to put into practice. If we are willing to stop in the middle of an argument and examine the underlying issue, unspoken expectations are often the problem.

   My husband is not a mind reader, and it’s not fair to assume that he will know exactly how I’m feeling. It’s not his responsibility to figure it out; it’s my responsibility to communicate it. If this doesn’t happen, feelings often get hurt.

   Ephesians 4:1-3 is an important reminder of how we are to treat one another: “Always be humble and gentle. Patiently put up with each other and love each other.Try your best to let God’s Spirit keep your hearts united. Do this by living at peace.” (Note: If I had turned to Scripture before the onset of an argument, I probably could have avoided most of our fights! That’s something to work on in year two.)

3. Spiritual Intimacy Takes Work

   In a previous blog post, I discussed the difficulties of praying together. When we were first married, I expected our spiritual life to just naturally excel. But it didn’t. It took a lot of intentional work to initiate and grow in this area together.

   Ephesians 6:18 is one of my favorite verses about growing together in our spiritual lives. ^“Never stop praying, especially for others. Always pray by the power of the Spirit. Stay alert and keep praying for God’s people.” This verse has provided inspiration, direction and comfort for both us.

4. We Are Both Uniquely and Wonderfully Made

   One of the best parts of being created by God is that we are each unique, with different gifts and talents. For some reason, I assumed that once we were married, all the stars would align, and we would agree on everything.

   It turns out we didn’t! My husband was made different from me--purposely. Once I accepted this awesome truth, I began to appreciate all the things that make us unique. Psalm 139:13-14 is a testimony of how God formed each of us: “You are the one who put me together inside my mother’s body, and I praise you because of the wonderful way you created me. Everything you do is marvelous! Of this I have no doubt.”

   As we move into year two, I know I’ve matured in my understanding of what it means to be committed to another person in sacred union. Marriage takes work, effort and intention.

   But with patience and love, we will continue to walk through life together--hand in hand.