Bullying.

It's become all too common today. We read stories of teenagers who are cyber-bullied and kids who are bullied in the schoolyard. We hear of bosses who bully their employees to intimidate and disempower them.

At one time or another, we've all experienced bullying's sting. Maybe somebody bullied us or we bullied somebody else. Whether it's mild, moderate or severe, bullying hurts and creates painful memories.

Fear lies at the root of the problem. Bullies fear not being in control or accepted. They get some of their legitimate needs met in very illegitimate ways.

People who are bullied are also fearful and constantly look for ways to avoid bullies. Often bullied victims fight back by becoming bullies themselves. They displace their anger and hurt onto others, not realizing that they're perpetuating this never-ending bullying cycle.

Since the fall of man, bullying has been part of the human experience. We can never fully stop it. But we can manage the problem more effectively by applying God's truth found in Scripture.

Here are 7 tips to help you or someone else who is struggling with bullying.

1. Learn the art of communicating assertively. Use empathy and clear language to understand and to be understood. Bullying stems from fear. So rather than retaliate when someone bullies you, be like Christ and show compassion while remaining strong. Remember 2 Timothy 1:7: "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline."
   
   

   In practical terms, show empathy to a bully by saying something like: "You're hurt, angry and fearful because someone hurt you. So you want to hurt someone else. But that won't help you or me." By communicating empathy, you are entering into the world of the other person. This opens the door to understanding and often disarms the bully. (It's best to have the support of others with you.)

2. Choose confidence. Stand up for yourself, but don't hurt anyone else in the process. This entails clearly drawing boundaries, using "I" statements ("I feel upset by what's happening") and expressing yourself in a clear, assertive way. Bullies respect strength. Conversely, they prey on people they perceive as weak.
3. Be forgiving. This doesn't mean forgetting the offense. It doesn't mean that what's happened is OK. But if bullied victims can forgive, they'll be able to move forward rather than have the experience debilitate them. Forgiveness sets victims free from the need to get even or to punish the bully. As we are told in Ephesians 4:31,32: "Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each, just as in Christ, God forgave you."
   
   But be sure to set and give consequences to bullies. Do not equalize the bully and the bullied victim, as if the victim did something to deserve the bullying behavior. Bullying is not acceptable under any circumstances.
4. Put into practice the values of love, respect and dignity. This is an obvious truth, but all too often, we don't love and respect ourselves either. So how can we expect to love and respect others? What builds self-respect is knowing we have done the right thing even when it was difficult to do so. Matthew 7:12 is a great reminder: "So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you."
5. Pray. Access the power of God through prayer. Bring to God the circumstances surrounding bullying incidents and ask him for wisdom to care for the bully and the bullied. Psalm 34:17 reminds us of the Lord's faithfulness. "The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles."
6. Get connected. Find a youth group, support group and friends who share the same values about how to manage/stop bullying. Rally around people who are lonely, isolated, and be a friend to bullies and bullied victims. Love heals wounds. St. Paul teaches us in Colossians 3:14 the value of love. "And above all these, put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony."
7. Manage bullying. Become educated about what bullying is and isn't. Bullying is not a "rite of passage," teasing or kidding around. Bullying is a deliberate, abusive act to gain power and control. Teach everyone cyber-safe habits by educating Internet users on provider policies and consequences for bullying online. Report suspicious behavior, applying consequences to the bully and seeking to protect the vulnerable. Parents, teachers, pastors and friends need to step in and report all inappropriate behaviors to proper authority figures.
 

Unfortunately, we will never fully stop bullying. But we can minister to one hurting person at a time by introducing him or her to the saving grace of Jesus Christ. In doing so, we can do our part by loving and caring for both bullies and the bullied.