It’s every parent’s dream to raise children who are kind and loving to others.

But the American culture of overindulgence can derail that dream, says Dr. Margi McCombs, a family and child educator for more than 30 years.

The media continually besieges parents with messages about buying things that will make their children smart, bright, cool, successful.

While this boosts companies’ bottom lines, it does little to help parents raise kids who are kind and loving to others.

But it is possible to raise caring kids—even in a culture of overindulgence. Dr. McCombs offers five ways to help you create a loving home environment where your children will flourish.

1. Place yourselves as the head of the family. Too often, parents let children make all decisions for themselves, from as young as age 2. This places them in the “awesome role of boss,” Dr. McCombs says. “It makes them happy, and it’s a way for parents to avoid conflict, but it’s a short-sighted gain.
   
   “When children are given too many choices,” Dr. McCombs continues, “they are being set up for difficulty later on. When they go to school, they learn very quickly that they are not the boss, and many kids don’t know how to handle that.”
   
   Change the structure, McCombs urges, so that mom and dad are the boss. “Children feel much more secure when mom and dad are in charge,” Dr. McCombs adds. “This creates an important layer of emotional stability in their lives and in the home.” And it’s a much better platform from which to teach awareness of others.
2. Model behavior you want your children to emulate. “If you’re trying to teach your children to be unselfish, be sure to examine your own behavior so that you’re not taking the biggest piece of steak on the plate,” Dr. McCombs says. “As parents, know the landscape of your own heart. We can read our children all the Bible stories we want, but if we’re acting selfishly ourselves, our kids will reflect our behavior.”
3. Create your family’s mission statement. This is an important step in establishing your family’s identity and figuring out your values. Then convey those values to your kids so they understand who you are as a family and what you stand for. It helps them know who they are becoming.
4. Make your kids understand they can’t have everything. Even if you have the resources, don’t give your kids everything they want, Dr. McCombs urges. That will create false expectations about the world, which will not give them all they desire. Talk to your children, instead, about the things they dream about and what you can and will do for them.
5. Value conversation. Make sure everyone puts their cell phones and Ipads away (mom and dad included!), and talk to each other at dinner time, Dr. McCombs advises. “You’ll be amazed at how liberating it can be for the whole family to be together without being distracted by a text message.”